Today's rates.

Angelina Rieli > Leigh Melanie: ‎23-8-1-20 1-12-3-15-8-15-12 4-15 25-15-21 12-9-11-5 2-5-19-20?

Leigh Melanie: If this is the amount of money you want to give me, please tell me it's in American dollars.

One site tells me that the São Tomé e Príncipe dobra is the worst currency. (Yes, I'm just that good at gewgling [please-please-please! tell me you said that with a Clouseau accent].) Which means you would get more banknotes for your buck. So that's what I'll give you. Because more is always more-good-er.

Now, to make this entirely fair, because no calculators are accepting that number, I'm going to lop off 18 digits from the right (you should always start on the right, no matter what you're doing -- e.g. dueling; chopsticks; and octupus hunting) to the middle. 18 because that's how many digits Brasil chopped off its currency, all told. (For these acts, Brasil is currently one of very few countries on a prestigious list of countries that have engaged in such rousing activities. I thank the gods that this is all Brasil is guilty of. Besides a little corruption, aherm. Which observation, I suspect, has just resolved the case of the missing zeros. [Which, incidentally, would make a good Poirot adventure.])

Seeing as that number is still unwieldy, I am now going to add each number -- starting from the right, of course -- to the next number and the next and so on, until we reduce it (as in cooking terms, yes) to an useful thing:

56!

Now, that's really not generous of me, at all -- though it would be generous to your back and I could even give it to you in 1s or cents, so you'll feel more-rich-er -- so I'll re-calculate. I'll use the highest amount of digits this netbook calculator will accept:

‎2,381,201,123,158,151.00 dobras it is, then!

(Please note, for posterity, that the plural of real [the Brasilian currency] is not reals, but reais.--And that "dobra" means "fold" in Portuguese. The thing you to do sheets, not where you stick sheeps. Not the messing up you do to sheets, but the tidying of them. Hrm...)

Now, if you have a brain at all like mine, you will immediately gewgle the dobra-to-dollar (dollar-to-dobra?) rate and do the calculations, just to have an idea of what you'd get in dollars. So you can daydream about how much easier it would be to carry around dollars. Or gold bars, for that matter. Or a macaw.

But I might write in a stipulation that you need to retain it -- until use; buying of other currencies not being permitted (I was meant to be a lawyer; in some universe) -- in the original currency.

Or sheets. Silk. 100%.

Upon further thought, and in your best interests, since it's good to diversify your options, I think I'll actually gift that to you in half dobras and half the runner-up worst-currency.

We'll halve the original number, since I don't want to think of any other possible options for calculating possible, uh, options:

1,190,600,561,579,076.00 São Tomé e Príncipe dobras + 1,190,600,561,579,076.00 Vietnam dongs = a good time will be had by you.

(Besides the obvious crass fodder that statement may generate, what all this currency talk _really_ tells us is that men whose names start with "d" are up to no good.)

Or... I would settle for giving it to you in Fig Newtons, if you feel so inclined. (If you don't know what Fig Newtons are, I'm ashamed to call you a fellow American.)

Your next assignment is to remove the commas and say that number in Chinese. I'll accept either one: the grand total or the divided-by-2 figure. (We had numbers in class. You are SO behind. But it's alright, because today is a good day to die.)


AUD 130,603,728,518.1252