It pursues me [may I pursue it]

There will be a relay on November 29th and someone is trying to get me to participate. The deal is: you pay, you run 5 kilometers each, and that's it.

Okay, I "run" 8 kilometers uphill from the office to the house pretty frequently -- or, I was doing so until I got sick -- but I can do it at my own pace (which is a very slow pace, I have to admit: I can walk faster than I jog; longer strides, I guess), if I had a particularly bad night and am just too exhausted, I can set more frequent walking intervals, lower the intensity, etc. Completely different ball game. Or what have you.

There's the fear of failure... If I want to do something, whether it's to win or just complete it (I usually go for completion, since I'm not competitive -- or skilled), if I'm only doing it for myself, I have only myself to disappoint. I can handle that. When you're doing something with a team, you're letting down all these other people... I don't like disappointing people.

Then there's the lack of confidence... I don't have confidence in my abilities. Any.

The lazy-ness... Ugh, I know it would require sooo much effort to train myself and I'm quite content with just forcing myself to run for a distance/long time, not anything more intense. That's already so-intense-enough.

Anyway... I told Tim that if it's still on, I'll sign up. I'm just that masochistic.

Ugh.

I'm going to die.

I know it.

--And my team will die.

Because of me.

I probably won't even get enough sleep the night before, and then I'll really die... The thought of all these tragedies brings tears to my eyes...

:D

Well, maybe I'm too late to get in on it.

Wouldn't that be swell...

Anyway, I know nothing about training, but I do know that if I hope to do any quality running on the day, I need to tune into my speed and strength. In other words, I actually need to push myself.

I did skim a few articles, but will be looking up a lot more, if I have time. Will be pretending to try to apply stuff and will keep a small log here.

For my own benefit, of course, since I know it doesn't benefit you. >:)