How not to sleep

Tried-and-proven sleep things that don't work for me...

-- Drinking milk in the evening
-- Not drinking milk in the evening
-- Not eating exciting things for dinner
-- Eating exciting things for dinner
-- Not eating sugar in the evening
-- Eating sugar in the evening
-- Not exercising too late in the day
-- Exercising too late in the day
-- Not drinking caffeinated drinks too late in the day
-- Drinking caffeinated drinks too late in the day
-- That thing you're thinking of, aherm
-- None of that thing you're thinking of, uh, yeah
-- Counting until you fall asleep
-- Not counting until you fall asleep
-- Gradually relaxing every muscle in your body
-- Not gradually relaxing every muscle in your body
-- Taking herbal relaxing stuff
-- Not taking herbal relaxing stuff
-- Releasing your body's static into the ground, barefooted
-- Not releasing your body's static
-- Not being rowdy in the evening
-- Being rowdy in the evening
-- Dimming the lights in the evening
-- Not dimming the lights in the evening
-- Staying away from the computer in the evening
-- Not staying away from the computer in the evening
-- Emptying your mind of thoughts before the evening hits
-- Not emptying your mind

Oh, and it just goes on and on, including a combination of some or all of the above.

I've concluded that...

-- As long as my mind is engaged, there's no chance of my falling asleep, until pure exhaustion hits; the problem is, my mind is rarely disengaged, ESPECIALLY at night when you're finally alone with your thoughts and no other distractions; urgh! if I could only make that disconnection in the evening, somehow, so that I didn't feel the need to lie there and think; I think it's unreasonable to think that I'll reach a point where I can just not think... it's just not gonna happen, and I think I can say that after 30 years of life and about 25 years (as far back as I can recall lying in bed awake when everyone else was asleep) of struggling with sleep
-- My mind is an unruly child that I still haven't found the secret for disciplining and keeping under subjection, while trying to go to sleep -- barring an act of God, it seems to be here to stay; or maybe if I was able to get out all my silly thoughts in the day, I'd have none to think about at night -- but who EVER has enough time for that? :O
-- I was not made to dwell within confines and parameters that require sleep; ugh!
-- Et cetera, et cetera, et cetera

So, if you find something non-chemical that is the proverbial (well, it's at least proverbial in my proverbs, aherm) sledge hammer, do inform me.