Speedos

Since there has been a small uproar by some females about my Sean post, I figured now is the time to unveil this ultra-informative post, just to clarify all the issues.

So, there I was, sittin' at lunch, mindin' my own business, lookin' neither to the left, nor to the right, when Sean's CTP-to-Brasil came up in the conversation, which turned to all things Speedos, which ended up with the guys giving me permission to research "Speedos" during work time. Yay!

Now, Sean had very soberly told me that his mission in Brasil will be to replace all Speedos with board shorts, since Speedos are absolutely un-called-for, apparently... In the course of my research, however, I came about that other very useful garment, which I felt Sean should model for me, just because... well... if you knew what he's like (to/with me), you would understand.--And he might even agree that I'm within my rights to get back at him in this way.

Actually, he wouldn't care, either way. (Yep.)

Anyway, enough about that... and on to Speedos!--Which I’ll refer to as sungas, from here on out, because that’s what we call them in Brasil and I only use “Speedo” around uninformed people who would have no clue what I’m referring to when I say “sunga” –- not that it actually comes up all that often, aherm.

Sungas go so far back in history that I wouldn’t be surprised if it’s a global conspiracy that little boys are born without them, now –- I’m convinced God actually intended for boy babies to enter the world wearing one of these in the color of their choice (pre-ordained and selected in Heaven, on the same menu where they choose parents, location of birth, height, etc.). Well, that might be a little far-fetched. Actually, I’m 99% sure this is what Adam fashioned out of his fig leaf (while Eve, on the other side, struggled to turn hers into a scintillating ball gown –- this is also where women took leave of their senses and men began laughing loudly at the seeming lack of logic we women seem to possess; I’ll have you know, however, that were I to attempt to fashion a ball gown out of a fig leaf, you would not be laughing [you’d actually be crying –- particularly you, Sean; at least I could be proud of myself for reducing you to tears]).

So, anyway, we begin our delving into this essay of the sunga by listing some of its other common and more obscure names/handles:

Budgie smuggler
Grape-smuggler
Banana hammock
Slug hugger

How descriptive. Plus, of course:

Speedo
Swim brief
Racing brief

These are some of the things sungas bring to mind, when I stop to think about them, which isn’t very often, but now that I’m thoroughly versed in the whys and wherefores of the thing, I think they shall be on my mind quite frequently. In fact, the guys are also convinced that if I’m sitting at my desk with a smirk from now on, it’s because I’m researching sungas. Well, they’re wrong. I usually smirk when weird people chat me saying weird things and/or I have a suddenly humorous revelation and snickering moment with myself, but, shhh, don’t tell them that –- they’d be disappointed. Actually, if I do think about sungas, I’ll just picture each one of them (that would be Vince, Sean and Sir Lancelot, since they’re my current daily tormentors and deserve this place of distinction, at the moment) in the sling, in the color of MY choice (a yellow [not gold], blue and green, respectively, could be quite pleasant, actually) and have a really good time. Let the smirkings commence and abound!!

-Princess Consuela Banana Hammock
-Hercules
-"Uncle" Joe (of "Aunty" Maggie, heheheh)
-Phil’s remark about how all the buff guys in Rio must go to the same fitness instructor because they all have the exact same body build (this being said while staring at one such specimen in a sunga)
-Aaron (if you’re reading this and you remember summer in Croatia, you really should know why, hahaha)
-Sean’s CTP project -- I applaud his very noble ambitious-ness :D

--And now for some history... Researching... Googling...

Oh my God!

I blame you Australians for making sungas so popular!

Eek!!

Gasp!!

...

Okay, now that I’ve recovered from that faint...

More smelling salts...

Anyway...

Well, Australians may not have invented the cut, but the Australian Speedo brand sure popularized it, it seems. God help THEM, if anyone should be helped! :D

As far as I can tell, as with female bathing suit fashion, the things just got smaller and smaller over time. Although, as far as I can tell, the reason men’s bathing suits got so small was for greater efficiency and efficacy in the sport, any sport.

I wonder if they’re more comfortable to some men.

Anyway...

Extremely informational:

“The popularity of swim briefs as casual beachwear and swim wear varies throughout the world. In many parts of Europe and Asia, swim briefs are very popular among male swimmers and beach goers. In the United States, the roomier and less revealing trunks or board shorts are the suits preferred for recreation, although swim briefs are always seen to some extent. Reasons swim briefs are chosen for recreation include style, ease of movement in the water, sunshine exposure, quick drying time, and the ability to be worn under pants or shorts.”

--And there ends our survey of the matter. Because I'm tired.

Please bookmark this entirely useful post, so you can return to it at a later date.

Selah.